I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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