What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
