Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
