you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
