We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
