I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
