I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
