Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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