hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
