people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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