today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And then my night got REAL pukey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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