dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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