i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
