Will you blow on my dice?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
