There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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