I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
