The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
