i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
