This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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