things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is my gift to your gina
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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