Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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