when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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