I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
