The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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