i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
