So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
