yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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