My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
