He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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