maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
