he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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