I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
