we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
