New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
