It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
