Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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