im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
