Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
