pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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