On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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