oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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