im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
