The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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