dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
