he shaved USA in his pubs
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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