Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
