I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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