i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
