I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
