His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so let's talk penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
