The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
should my penis look like a turkey
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
