i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
