I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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