State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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